Tuesday, May 6, 2014

Personal writings

So for a long time I'll be bored and have thoughts or writings that pop into my head.  Yes I do have this blog and could easily make another one for personal use that's set to private, but I've just always written it into a journal I received as a gift a few years ago.  Nothing wrong with putting some pen to paper to get creative juices flowing.  I feel as though I can now publicly put what I write
out there for the public to see though.  To share what all goes on in my head after heartache, happiness, loss and anger.  To let people in the walls I've built up.  I've always tried to act like everything was perfect in my life, that I was perfect.  That I had some sort of expectations that everyone had put on me and I just had to achieve them.  It's funny because my parents think my younger brother is the one who thinks about these things and doesn't want to fail.  All I've ever felt like was that I didn't amount to what they expected.  That anything and everything I did was just wrong.  I finally have learned that the only expectations that a person should feel the need to achieve are the expectations they put on themselves.
In a world filled with lies;
I feel like I'm drowning sometimes

The truth so hard to see;
Walking through the darkness, just me

Trees fade into a single blur;
Wondering which direction to turn. 
He asked me if I'd ever seen the stars
I said have you ever seen love
He had eyes like the sky
And I'm watching from above

I said I love you
He said how could you
An angel sent from a heavenly place, in his mind
So she took him to a heavenly state
He'd never been in so deep so fast before
Then she took him down and unknown road
A path he thought had overgrown
He learned to car, to love, to feel
Somthing That had died long ago once again now appeared

Trying to find answers that he always hides behind themask
A task that may prove hard, but worth it in the end
Stories untold and for the devil he sees in himself

I told him I love you
And he said how could you
You may not see exactly what i see
But always know in my heart forever you'll be
All and all they go around, 
Around and around like a merry go round

Life does not stop until the end
But you get up to start again
Never back down and never quit

These are some words we learn to live
My job and my duty are my only task
And why or how come is the question you might ask
I took a pledge; I took a stand
To guard my country; I swore to defend

Never back down and never quit
Are just a few things we learn to live 
So don't you forget about me
The impact I'll make you won't believe
The end is coming 
But we already know 
The sky is falling
And we're watching it burn

Dancing in the glow
We start to move
The streets are crowded
But we don't have much to lose

The music blasting
And houses crashing down
They crumble piece by piece
Beneath the sound

Our hearts are pounding
To the hectic sound
We watch the city crumble
From above the ground

Broken down buildings
Missing walls and doors
The city that never sleeps
Is no more

Bicycles placed up in stacks
And all that's left is what's on the racks
Rafters above, and beams below
The city once known 
Is no longer a home

Weed and trees; overgrown, 
These streets have been vacant 
For a time unknown
The people that lived here are far far gone

Up and left without looking back
From what must have been and epic attack
Does it burn inside us
Or does it just sit and feed
It hurts as it leaves
And scares us as it comes

I mean is love a feeling
Or just something we're taught to believe
You can't exactly explain it
But you know it hurts more than anything
Or is it the feeling of rejection that hurts the most
Is it a burden or is it a gift
I don't quite know would be my guess

I don't wanna find love
Because love is nothing but future pain
But they say pain is payment
Well I disagree
Pain is a burden 
And burdens turn to hate
And I rather not feel love 
Than love turn to hate 
you are the reason i live
The reason I love
The reason I give
The reason I kind of
Can't seem to go on without
I lie awake and wonder why
How we've come this far 
In such a short time
I know I love you without a doubt
But still the fear won't let it out

I scream and shout with all my might
Trying to let you know without a fight
The struggles within I see this now
But then I ask myself why and how

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