Wednesday, January 21, 2015

im already something to someone i dont even know


Sometimes we get caught up into what we are to someone or what we should be to a person that we fail to realize that their might be someone else out there that we are perfect for.  We are so focused in the now that we don't see the potential future.  I can say that I'm personally guilty for that....

I tend to sometimes look at relationships in that sense, and I'll admit it's a flaw of mine I'm trying to improve on.  I sometimes have no patience or I just don't care and look at the person rather then what they will do for me.  And by that, I DO NOT mean financially in the sense that I will be spoiled and never have to work.  I mean on the whole basis of will they support my life goals, will they make it difficult for me to achieve them or will they potentially make it easier for me to succeed, will they help me when I'm down or are they in this simply for themselves.....I sometimes ignore all this then date a jerk and fall for them, since we all know I wear my heart on my sleeve, and then get hurt and I'm sitting here like....man I should've known better....I should've just never dated them in the first place....because I'm literally exactly where I started in my life.  I wasted 3-7 months and I gained nothing.  I didn't go anywhere different then where I began.....all I did was make memories with a POS person that doesn't care about me and I could've just stayed single and on the path I was on without them......

I've been single for a while now and with that I've opened my eyes to how foolish I have been in the past.  Now, I'm not saying I'm now a relationship guru by all means, but I have started pin pointing where I personally go wrong or even where I misjudge a persons intentions or character.  I try to see the good in everyone and where that can be a good thing and does show that I'm a good hearted person, it also gives plenty of room for me to get hurt by a person.

I know that I need to move out, get into college, and start my life back where it all went to hell...last year with my car exploding into flames....it's been difficult for me since that happened to get back on the track I was on.  Part of me relieved from the frustration and stress of bills, but the other part of me wanting my freedom and own space again just waiting to explode all over the place.  I think I have a plan and as much as I'd like to include a person in it with me I've decided that I'm doing what I want and that a guy can either respect that and join me; and we can push each other to excel more in our lives......or they can just not join my ship, which will be full steam ahead and no harm no fowl.....I'm tired of the games, and tired of feeling like and adult wanting to jump out of a kids body.

So I'm sorry but to all the boys out here wanting my attention or to just play head games......I'm already something to someone I don't even know.....and that something is special...it's a future goal I am to be.  A goal that is someones dreamdream, and to meet every expectation that they've had of and more :)

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